yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
nutella sex= disaster
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
