the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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