I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
