i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
