Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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