Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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