In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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