dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think my vagina is haunted
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
