just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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