Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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