so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
