I wannas sexs uuuuu
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
