I am midnight drunk by noon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
