So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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