I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
