I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
