I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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