I have demons in me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
