Your mouth is God's brothel.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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