she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
