the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
