that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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