All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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