I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
