I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
