Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
