I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
