You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
