I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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