And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
