remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
