I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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