I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize