girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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