i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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