dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
