She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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