I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
