I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
