I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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