my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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