NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
