Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
