Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
