I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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