Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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