We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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