she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
