Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
