I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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