3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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