I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize