I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
