Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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