i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
