I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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