He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize