You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
