my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize