We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
