So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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