Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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