Why does Corona taste like a burp?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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