the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
