worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
