Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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