I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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