You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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