The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
