I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
