cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
