Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
