I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
