I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
