Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
