thus making me awesome and them whores
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
