Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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