k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
