we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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