i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
