And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
