We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we're making bets on your personal life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
