I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
