Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
