Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize