I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
