Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she told me i tasted like america
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
how drunk are you?
Several
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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