I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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