Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
